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The 10 Types of Early 20’s Men Analysed by Their Choice of Drink

Anonymous


Gin and tonic:

Meet Kelvin. Kelvin has Gucci sneakers and loves a dart. Kelvin will come and try that new ramen place with you. Your mum will love Kelvin. Kelvin is a savage gossip with no boundaries.


Merlot:

Meet Andy. Andy did an Arts degree, calls himself a Marxist and might play an instrument (probably brass). Andy had a top knot before they became popular and is annoyed he had to get rid of it when everyone started getting them. He mentions this often. Andy has a few badly done tattoos of things like a cigarette or a chili because he thinks they make him seem chill. Andy is often seen scabbing cigarette papers. Andy talks endlessly about his share house, the group chat for which has an ironic name like ‘the girls’.


Rosé:

Meet Fraser. Fraser probably studies something challenging like medicine or engineering. Fraser wears Birkenstocks and is more than happy to talk about feminism or the environment while simultaneously checking Bumble notifications on his iPhone.


Pint of beer (any beer - all beers taste the same , don’t @ me):

Meet Will. Will is really into rugby league and has a great anecdote about the morning he woke up after his team won the grand final and he had a tattoo of their mascot on his foot. Will is often seen cockblocking himself by hitting on too many girls in the same club on the same night, which they all bond about in the girls bathroom.


Pint of Strongbow cider:

Meet Freddie. Freddie has come to Australia from the UK before he starts uni and is having a ‘well good time’. Freddie is probably from Essex or Liverpool or basically any other UK city which has a semi-recognizable name but isn’t London. Freddie has a nice accent and is potentially attractive if he had better style and wasn’t trying to take you back to a shared hostel room.


Rum and coke:

Meet Joe. Joe loves camping trips with the boys and goes to the gym at the same time every night. Joe smashed out his uni degree in 3 years and has been working a steady job for ages. Joe recently bought himself a Labrador puppy and calls his mum on the reg. Joe is a safe bet.


Whiskey:

Meet George. George has a rich dad. He also probably has a rich maternal grandfather. Despite his lineage being full of hardworking people who built their wealth, George doesn’t really do much. He does a part time Commerce degree and claims his never-ending source of unexplained income is a result of working ‘for his Dad’.


Espresso martini:

Meet Liam. As every new semester of uni starts Liam will have a new aesthetic. Liam says he’s moving to Newtown or Melbourne when he’s finished uni but no one believes he will ever leave Canberra.


Long island iced tea:

Meet Harry. Harry is only drinking a long island iced tea because he just bought a round of them for a group of 18-year-old girls he just met. Harry is deceptively strong (he’s just gotten “really into bouldering”).


Vodka redbull:

Meet Alex. Alex says “tune”, “man I love Drake hey” and “you going to Listen Out?” a lot.

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